Captured Life of Us

Can not believe that it is the 1st of December and Christmas is but 24 days away...

While passing the shop windows in the mall I could not help but notice that Christmas seems to be toned down a lot here in South Africa. One can see that the Recession has left it's scares. It is almost as if Christmas is hiding away. But in an instant I remember Christmas is not about sales and money. That is how we have changed it. Christmas is suppose to be about Giving, Sharing, reaching out and Family....

I remember my first white Christmas in New York. I felt like a small kid standing at each shop window on 5th Ave staring at all the beautiful decorations they had put on display. My house was covered in a blanket of snow and the smell of freshly baked cookies filled the rooms, making them warm and inviting. The tree was decorated with the most beautiful ornaments and the gifts was resting under the green pine tree.

I thought this is how Christmas is suppose to be.... White, Red, Silver and Gol…

The alarm rings in my ear and I open my eyes to find it is the day of my divorce... Turning over in bed I feel my stomach turning... There is no turning back..... The finality has arrived to greet me for breakfast... It's yesterday again....
The word Forever means: Eternity, a life time or Everlastingly. This is what one promises another the day you get married. For some of us these words are true when spoken, but to others this is only but a wish....
At 29 I never thought I would be standing at the Court waiting to be called before the judge to hear him say: "You are divorced."....I became another number.... What I can not figure out is how we ever got to this point Called: No return..... We were once Happy and in love and now, Now we are just: two People ready to move on with our lives...
I do not regret being married to my husband, What I do regret is how we ended. I was maybe hoping too much for the fairy tale ending. I am quickly reminded that fairy tales are only in a…

Today when standing at the bottom of the staircase I looked and saw only empty space... For some reason I felt incredibly sad... My life that was once on display was now in Boxes all stored away...

...and then the memories came to dance silently over the floor. I remembered the way the house use to be and how at home it felt here in Apartment 5B. The way visitor's was welcomed into my space I called Home... I suddenly remembered it all so clearly... I thought: Will I ever learn?

Willem came to sit on my lap... When gazing into his big green eyes I could see that he knew how I must feel leaving this place we both once called our own...

It was time to close another chapter in this wonderful book called "Life: this is how it is suppose to be." My friend Nix taught me that one must never regret the past since it is exactly where we were suppose to be and that created the future where we are now....

So Life lets go....

Today while driving through a very impoverish area of the city I realised how lucky I am. I am always complaining about suffering when these people suffer even more than me and there are people suffering even more than them.

The houses and buildings looked like the Old: tired, full of wrinkles and bent by the burdens they had to carry. You can see they had better years.

I took the time to listen to the hearts of these people beating. At first they were Beating in the distance and then their beating became loud and clear. They spoke of needs: a need to be noticed and loved, a need to be touched, a need to be given Hope.....

I saw a girl that looked like life has beaten her down. She came to my car and asked if she could look after it while I was in the shops. Her smile was sincere and her heart was full of hope. I wanted to say You will be ok, just don't loose hope, but I could not utter the words. Every where I turned I saw people waiting on the sun to shine once more.

I realised alth…

It is amazing how quickly time slip by. Today on my way to the guest house I realised yet again that it is Sunday and tomorrow a new week will begin. Christmas is around the corner and I am not ready for it yet.

The shop windows are filled with seasons greetings and the Christmas Carols play softly in the background like a still reminder.

My Sisters came to see me this past week and we had so much fun hanging out. I realised how much I miss them when they are not around.

While having brunch at Melrose Arch in Johannesburg we had the opportunity to see how there is still families that take the time to get together and hang out. To be honest it made me a little envious of these people since we do not really have that kind of relationship with my parents. Although there is no perfect family they made me think of a family I would put in a magazine add around a dinner Table. They looked happy and grateful to be together.

... it is Sunday again and i am reminded how blessed I a…

Somewhere in my heart's content I can hear a calling. A Calling so strong it is calling me to listen. It is still and faint, but I know I need to listen carefully.

In the last past couple of weeks I have only been drifting on the ocean called life. At times I felt like sinking away to the depths, but then Hope and Friends have pulled me to the surface asking me to stay afloat.

A great sadness washed over me as the women at the sheriffs office handed me my divorce degree. The reality of it all hit me like a thunder bolt and for a moment I felt I can not breath. Divorce is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done.

In the distance I hear the voices calling me... I can feel change coming.... Coming to free me.....