Captured Life of Us

Its been a week since I started to breath again...  I still feel whole...  THANK YOU GOD...

I was speaking to my psychologist yesterday and we spoke about my Journey I have been writing down since 2009.  I have seen Thousands of people reading my Blog and how some of my posts have impacted their lives...  All I ever wanted is that my life and my story meant something for some one else...

The growth I have had in my life is all because of the storms and the times of sunshine I experienced... My psychologists always says to me that growth is never without pain.... It is the only way we learn...

Some of us are lucky and have a beautiful life full of happiness, but the majority of us stumble and fall through life till we find our feet.... It's like learning how to walk.... It is important not give up on yourself.... There are times where I felt I could not do this any more... I will lay on the ground waiting for life to pass me by...  Feeling Lost daily.... However I do not want you…

With Freedom come immense Freedom from Pain... Emotional Pain can really kill you inside... It's what I call a silent killer... Easy to hide from the world and others by wearing a mask... I am feeling alright somehow without you .... I realized so much.  I learned even more than I set out to do in 2016... I am so proud of the person I have become and I am ready for my new adventure...  I was able to survive this storm in my life..  I am Stronger, Wiser and more in love with my Life everyday... Important things I learned was: How to Fall in love with my Faith again, How to walk away with dignity, To love without condition, To Forgive and not to be Bitter, How to Love from a Distance, How to enjoy Life again, To be Stronger and not to Settle for less than I am worth, To Love myself without conditions, To absorb all I can from Life and those around me, How to be just ME no matter what, if my AMAZING Friends and family can love me why can't others: (it's called a Choice - Ma…

There is no other place i want to be in my life right now... I am at peace.... 
The sun goes down and a new day is born... i can breath again ... i am starting to feel whole again... I fire away on my new adventure... it's so good for me... 
Thank you God for loving me ... Without you i will loose control... I am blessed to have you... 
Life is lonely road at times... 

I woke up and i could breath again... Today i felt ok... I started to reflect on what happened. I can now look at us with a clearer mind... 
I have asked God all the Questions... His silence is killing me, but He gives me everlasting peace... He will give me the freedom i need... I will understand one day why He took you away from me... Many say there is better to come, but all I beg God for is you... That He protects you, Loves you and Heals you before it's too late... I beg him to remind you who we use to be... 
But I feel like a million miles has come between us.  I have told you i am sorry for what i have done. I am making peace with us not being together anymore. I learned that the pain is part of me. It doesn't have to go away 'cause it reminds me I love you ... That you really loved me... And where in the past you left me and carried on... 
I am glad you are forgetting me... It will help me move on knowing that you are moving on and that you are happy and free... I pra…

There is a battle racing in my soul and in my heart... The battle is real and the cuts are deep...  They battle each other with no mercy... I feel torn in the middle... i have no strength left to cry or carry on... i lay in the dark thinking to myself: "really is this it... What the fuck?" 
I have given it my all and still this was not good enough ... Why are there monsters in the dark holding me back?  When will i feel free ... When will this battle cease to exist  ... 
No more pretending that i can do this.. Cause the truth is that I can't... I have lived a life full of battles, but this one is really killing me inside... No more pretending to the world... I see myself through your eyes and i see the weakness you spoke off... I see the truths you spoke off.. I swear i tried to be better at this thing we call LIFE... 
Another day break and as i open my eyes I realize i am still here... Take a moment to feel real and then the battle kicks off... Another day of bloodshed in …

I crash and i get up... I look up ... 
I am learning to breath again... i am learning to find myself in my new Life... 
I can't pretend that this road i am traveling on is not hard... I look around and all i see is the Love from those that help to pick me up ... I am so Fortunate to have you all as part of my Life... 
I Thank God for all of you... How Blessed am I to have each of You... When i feel like i can't breathe any longer, one of you share precious time with me... Time you will never get back... You are all learning me how to breathe again... 
When I fall one of you help pick me up... You help carry me a step closer to a area of Normal... Maybe I don't say it enough, but I Thank You all... I am lucky to be Loved by you all... 
My journey has never been so full of wisdom and learning.. i absorb each moment and word you all share with me even if sometimes i am silent trust me i am here still listening ... 
Thank You For Loving me ... ❤️ ... 

For me there is nothing worse in the world than to feel lost.  Being lost makes me feel like I am wondering through life with no purpose and I am not moving forward as I am not sure where I am and where I am going...  It's a "Hopeless Place"...

Rihanna and Calvin Harris says it best in there song: "We found Love in a Hopeless Place..."

"It like you are screaming and no one can hear... You almost feel ashamed that someone can be that important that without them you feel like nothing... No one will ever understand how much it hurts... You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you.... and when its over and it is gone you almost wish you can all those bad stuff back so you can have the good...."

I just have to let him go.... I must stop wondering .... My motto in life has become "STOP AND BREATH".  If I don't I will drown in Life's mess and just become another broken wondering Soul.... Lost in a "Hopeless Place"...

I cling only to H…